Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR. You are apeshit bananas at being a marketable plushie, and you know ALL THE CUTENESS. All of it. You are the unchallenged authority on being STUFFED WITH COTTON. And though all your friends recognize your unparalleled achievements as a TOTALLY CUDDLY SWEETIE, you feel like you could be better.

But that’s a bunch of beeloney, because he’s perfect just the way he is. Maybe if enough of you guys pre-order him, you’ll chip through that surly (yet luxuriously soft…) exterior to the sweet, honeyed heart of gold at his core, and convince him that you are, in fact, still friends.

al2o ii de2perately need acce22 two a computer 2o you’d really be helpiing me out.

Hey, what the…

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